There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
