her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
