Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
