I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
