im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
