i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize