dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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