I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
