I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
