so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
