you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
