UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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