he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
