If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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