WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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