apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
