i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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