Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
