the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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