Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
