I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
