are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
