This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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