if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
