Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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