I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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