i don't like sucking hair
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
