Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
