Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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