Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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