I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
