i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
