He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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