I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
