I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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