then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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