he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
