I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
