Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's get the cat blown out
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
