turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
