woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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