Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
