There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
