Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
