she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
