I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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