TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
