I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
