I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
