the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
