Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
