Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
