would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
